Treading Water

   There comes a time in every goal oriented journey where you are neither succeeding or failing.  The easy wins have been won, longer wins feel less fun, and the failures make you feel like everything you've tried to do is nothing but bullshit posturing.  In the business, we call this goal stage: Treading Water.
    Treading water is a worst phase of working towards goals because it truly feels as if you're doing nothing more than swimming in place.  Notice that the metaphor isn't "standing in place" or "sitting still", no it's called treading water because you're not just going nowhere, you're expending a shit ton of energy to get there... or not there... to get where you are, which is not where you want to be.  To tread water is to fatigue and fatigue is the precipice of defeat.
     How did we get here?  And why are we always surprised to have arrived when we've been here O'so many times before?   The lazy brain adds up how much time and energy we are expending to get nowhere.  Then, very quietly, the lazy brain whispers a not so subtle reminder to the motivated brain that we could get just as much accomplished sitting in a chair, in front of the television, with a controller in our hands, for hours on end.
     I find these gut check moments to be both intriguing and infuriating.  I don't get mad that they exist, but I can't help but be angry with myself for letting them get this far, so repeatedly and predictably.  Going to the gym 3 times a week, as well as swimming, biking, and running, is easy for me, but I'm unable to stop from stuffing face fulls of candy into my mouth after a long day of work? Are you fucking kidding me?
     I know, I know, if lack of self control in regards to candy eating is my biggest problem, then I should be thankful.  Well maybe that's the way you look at it, but that is not the way I look at it.  Firstly, candy is just the example I choose to share and I happen to think that it's an honestly good one.  My inability to stop myself from not just eating candy, but overeating candy, speaks to an underlining and very American thing that je deteste pour moi!  We can't be respectful of the world that we live in if that respect only happens when we're fully sated.  This is important to me, I do not want to be that person anymore.
     Did you hear that?  I just doggy paddled, even if only for a minute.
This was good, let's talk again soon.