Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it?

     Nowadays, when I think about goal successes and failures, I'm often reminded of a scene from "The Office" TV show.  Pam is the new Office Administrator and is having trouble dealing with Dwight, who has recently purchased their office building.  Pam and Jim are on the stairwell talking when she says:

Pam: I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing, I don't wanna...
Jim: What?
Pam: Fail. I don't want to fail... again.
Jim: But you didn't fail.
Pam: And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales.
Jim: And you didn't fail those things either.
Pam: Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it?

That conversation sums up my feelings on past and present goals pretty well, especially considering that most of my present goals are the same as they were in the past.  In my personal bubble that is an idealist's world, I haven't failed at learning to speak French or play the piano... but the reality of the situation is that I can neither speak French nor play the piano much better than I could 5 years ago.

     Over the weekend, while we hosted our annual Halloween party, I realized something quite embarrassing.  The sheet music on my piano stand is on the same song, "Alouette", as it was at the Halloween party 3 years ago.  Don't get me wrong, I've been very aware for a long time of how much piano progress I have not been making.  Perspective can be a bitch.  And the thing is, sometimes a punch in the gut is just a punch in the gut; thinking about my piano failures in this context does not motivate me, it just hurts and knocks the wind out my lungs.

     Maybe I'm not a failure, but I am also not an artist, pianist, or many of the other things I'm goaling towards at the moment.

     I need to think more before we continue down this road, let's talk again soon.